How to Get Over a Breakup - A Powerful Technique

Hey there! Today I’m going to be talking about one of the most requested topics BREAKUPS and a powerful technique to let go and move on from a relationship that no longer serves you. You know, I get messages on IG every day from many of you saying, hey Ismael, I want to detach from this person, I want to let go… how can I do that? Can you give me some tips? And I’ve made many videos about heartbreak here on my channel, but I wanted to make this one to give you practical steps to follow, like things that you can do today to help you heal and move on.

Now, I know that if you’re here reading this, it’s because you’re probably in a very painful place right now and you’re looking for solutions….and I want to ask you…please to focus on this video 100%, stop all distractions, multitasking, silence your notifications and put all your attention on me, so you can absorb this information and be able to execute it in your life afterward.

Alright, to start the blog, I need to give you a quick backstory, so you understand how I did this myself because this was part of a self-growth journey that I went through after a very painful breakup. So about three years ago, I had turned 30 years old, you know entering a new decade, new responsibilities, new perspective on life…and I had been dating a girl for five years and it was a lovely relationship, we were in love with each other…but suddenly the last year we were together our relationship started slowly decaying. And I was going through a very difficult time in my life, dealing with lawsuits from other businesses, a lot of financial stress from work, from a house I had just bought. We were all in lockdown because of the virus. It was complete chaos…. and suddenly this girl, which I thought was the only thing that was secure in my life, who I thought would eventually maybe be my wife, build a family together told me that she wanted to end the relationship. And I knew we had been having problems for a year or so and we had been working on them, but I think we had just completely grown apart at that point and I was so emotionally drained from everything else that I had to just accept it, and deal with the aftermath.

And let me tell you that I had experienced heartbreak in the past, from a few other relationships, but this breakup was just another level of pain and discomfort.
Because you see, it was not only her, but it was everything else that surrounded our relationship. Her family and my family were very close, and we also had a dog together… I knew all that would slowly dissolve and for me, it felt like the death of a loved one, but knowing they were still alive. I know you probably know the feeling I’m describing.

But you see, I’ve been through many challenges in my life, and the one thing that has always helped me get through them is thinking about the person I’ll become after I overcome the obstacle. What version of me, wiser, stronger, and more competent will emerge on the other side.
So what I did was, you know what, I’m going to read the top 100 books on relationships, especially those related to breakups and separations. I have the experience, but now I need the theory so I can become an expert at this and it never catches me off guard again. And that’s exactly what I did. In the following 12 months I read everything I could on this subject and around that time too 3 years ago is when I started then teaching it to other people, then my videos started blowing up, and I ended up building my business Save The Messenger, which is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve created in my life and here I am talking to you today.

So that’s the backstory. I wanted to tell you these things, so you can see that I’ve been there myself, and like I said I came out on the other end with many lessons and knowledge that have evoked new meaning for me…, and I can tell you that I’m having such an amazing time in my life right now, and I want to help you to get there as well.

Alright, so from everything I read, there was one technique that helped me the most during this process and I believe it can serve you as well. And it’s pretty much Releasing the emotional charge around your memories with this person.
Ok yeah that sounds quite fancy Ismael, what the hell does that mean? Let me explain. Once a relationship ends, you’re now stuck on a memory trip, right? overthinking the past experiences you had with them. All the happy moments and how they made you feel.
So this technique is about releasing the emotional charge that’s attached to these memories. Because most times when you’re going through a breakup, you want to deny your emotions. You want to suppress them and lock everything down. I don’t wanna think about this. Let me distract myself with work, television, music, etc
But then something triggers you, a text message from them, or an object that reminds you of them, and all those emotions rise up again and you feel you’re back to square one.
So instead what you need to do is feel your emotions fully and especially those that are related to a memory with them, to the point that you desensitize those triggers.
I know that may sound a bit abstract so I’ll give you some examples of this that I did myself in that relationship I spoke about. So with this girl for example, we had a song that we really liked from Ed Sheeran that we would always listen to it in the car. We also went to the concert and heard it live. So after the breakup, every time this song came up on the radio I would change the station. I would suppress those feelings, right? Like I don’t wanna hear this. It only brings sadness to my life. But then I was somewhere in public and the song was playing and I couldn’t change the station, so there I was triggered again, but now there was very little I could do about it.
So after I read about this technique suggesting to actually do the opposite, I went ahead as an experiment and I started to listen to the song about 20 times a day. I was at the gym listening to the song. I was running and listening to the song. Played it in my car over and over to the point that the emotional charge around that song completely dissipated. Now if I would hear the song I would think, man that song is kind of cheesy and whack. My apologies to Ed Sheeran haha
So then I did the same with a movie we loved. Watched it 100 times to the point I didn’t care much about it. Went to our favorite restaurant every weekend until I got bored and wanted to try new food.
And the most excessive thing I did, which I know may be too much, but hey I did it anyways and it may work for you too is that during that 6 months after the break up I would get calls and text messages from my ex because she was also having a hard time moving on, but every time I would see her name pop up it would just ruin my peace completely. So I went to my contacts and the main people I spoke to every day, my parents, my best friends, and my sister, I changed all of their names to her name on my contact list. So whenever any of them would call me I would see my ex’s name. And at the beginning was quite uncomfortable, but the same thing happened after a month or two. The next time she texted me about something I wasn’t triggered that much and I was able to talk to her from a peaceful and stable place. And yes, I changed the contacts’ names back to their original names.
I know this may sound extreme, but listen it worked for me, so it may work for you too.
You can take this technique and apply it to anything that you feel may be triggering you. Maybe some book that you read together, a video of the two of you.
And if you feel you make progress using this for sure let everyone know in the comments so you can also serve as proof for others.

So that’s it for today. Like I always suggest, keep watching videos and read blogs like this to open your mind to new ideas that may bring a massive positive impact on your life. Remember that “For your relationships to change, You need to change.”